Motherhood…You’re doing a good job….

I know its not just me that has found the transition from being an independent, career loving women into the scary world of motherhood hard Its not just me that gets a little sting and can feel suffocated with the realisation that you can’t just get up and go to the shops or make those last minute dinner plans with friends.

THIS IS NOT A MOAN, I love my family life, Infact take me out for a night out or weekend away and I long to be back with my PJs on, cuppa in one hand, chocolate in the other, sat amongst my lovely husband and little boy! This is me figuring out how such a dramatic change in identity can make you feel all sorts of weird.

Becoming a mother is a massive change in identity, suddenly thrust upon this ‘perfect’ ideal of homemaking life, where you are judged for any tiny decision; breast or bottle, co-sleep or independent, self sooth or hold tight…trying to untangle and navigate this new life is so daunting and no one quite prepares you for it.

Every family situation is different, every baby is different, throw in ever changing ‘best baby practice’ guidelines and you’ve gotta be Sherlock to pass this challenge!

For me, I feel like the first 6 months of motherhood was joined by shock…I mean come on, lack of sleep, responsibility like never before, surely the unshakeable people wobble! Combined with the constant need to check I was doing a good job, the validation that ‘yep you are a good mum’ all contributing to a mound of anxiety. I’m the kind of person that needs validation in my life; Career wise through feedback, appraisals, Exercise by lifting heavier, running further, faster but through Motherhood?? There aren’t any monthly meetings to score you, no progress cards to tick off and you can be left feeling pretty crappy once you start the comparing yourself game especially with the insta mums planned photo ops and props, glossing the realities… it can be a heavy force dragging you down!

My comfort blanket and cosy place lies with my like minded friends, especially the fellow mums or ones who are aware of what’s going on. They get it, pat you on the back whilst covered in Weetabix themselves! I think its important to tell each other how good-a-job we are doing, we are in it together which helps massively (cringe high five). Do I need to label myself and have a clear identity? Probably not right now, one thing I have learnt is that you adapt. It’s ok for my identity to change slightly, I can still be myself just with a scruffy tshirt and darker under eye circles!

Love Harriet x

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10 Things I’ve learn’t from having an 18 month old…

You will never learn as much about yourself as you do when you have a child…The length of your patience and how far it can really be pushed, how breathing and counting to 10 does really help, how much you can REALLY love someone and how a simple unprompted cuddle can cause ripples of emotion.

Here are also some life lessons perhaps I didn’t give enough value to…

 

  • 6pm has a new meaning to the day…wind down, bed time hour, time for milk and snuggles and an hour until my little bundle of craziness gives me some ‘quiet’ time!

 

  • Mr Tumble provides a great free babysitter…no i’m not talking about leaving the house but simply a second to put a wash on, clean the house without ‘mummy football’ following me around. Mr T is a permanent fixture on our sky record.

 

  • Flop from Bing is #parentgoals how does he remain so calm and focused?

 

  • Why does the world insist on being extra loud when its nap time? charity workers decide its the perfect time to knock on the door, neighbours start strimming the grass…NO NO NO

 

  • Snacks and bribes should be taken EVERYWHERE! in the car, in every single bag I own!

 

  • YouTube has demos for everything you could need; Setting up the pram, installing the IsoFix..the list is endless to tap into

 

  • A quiet but more importantly hot cup of tea is like winning the lottery….A magazine or book is a bonus prize! Simple things you don’t value until you are a parent.

 

  • Finding mum friends and going for a park date or walk is more fulfilling and soul satisfying  then any expensive baby club!

 

  • Mum guilt will hit you but its normal and so so common…talk to those mum friends they will make you feel better!

 

  • You become amazing at inventing characters and scenarios to entertain your toddler or to help with a simple task… Currently Sonny believes the neighbours cat is watching him eat his dinner and monitoring his progress, anything for another spoonful of pasta!

 

As we are rapidly approaching the 2 year mark I am sure there is plenty more to learn and open my eyes up so I will keep you updated!

Have you learnt anything extra? I’d love to hear them!

Love Harriet x

 

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The dreaded Mum Guilt….

Guilt in any situation is a horrible feeling but often guilt is a reaction of something you’ve done wrong or related to something you had control off…Mum guilt on the other hand, feels completely different and can be hard to shake off.

Since being a mum, I question every decision, every action, wondering if its the best or correct way and how my choice will effect this little person and although this dependence can be empowering its also very stressful, with the stress often comes pressure and then the monster that is guilt.

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