Tips for Visiting a new mum…..

With 5 of my friends expecting from December onwards, its not only got me excited for some major newborn cuddles and catching a whiff of that new baby scent but its also got me thinking about the rules and things that are helpful or in some cases not helpful when visiting a new mum in the throws of that just-given-birth haze and bubble that is like no other.

Of course once that ‘He’s/She’s arrived!’ text is sent, friends and family are eagerly penciling in slots to come and meet the new arrival often forgetting to stop and realise that the parents are at best often in a sleeplessness shocked state, starving because they haven’t got the energy to step foot in the kitchen, wearing maternity PJs and feeling generally a bit blurred!

I remember so vividly putting off visitors knocking at my door for a couple of days….apart from our parents, we needed them! The thought of making endless pots of tea whilst still sore and recovering from birth just didn’t seem right especially when if you’re like me and like to be in control, I just knew I wouldn’t be able to sit back! Definitely text your friend congratulations and offer support but leave it so they will tell you when they are ready for a visit.

Once I was ready for the world to meet our teeny tiny baby, the gesture of bringing something edible was so very welcome, in fact even better on two separate occasions friends came and cooked for me which blew me away! I didn’t realise at the time but it was exactly what I needed and its one of those things that sticks clearly in my mind and meant so much to me!

Sonny was lucky to have so many people wanting newborn cuddles he would get passed around so much so that he’d get sick of being held and liked to get put back in his moses, this meant  I often sacrificed my cuddles with him and once the house was quiet again I felt like I had missed out. It’s something I have tried to be conscious of when I visit babies now as those first weeks flyby and before you know it you have a toddler who is too busy exploring to cuddle!!

Cleaning, this is something I’ve heard mentioned on loads of blogs, family members coming over to whizz the hoover round, help with some chores and its a great idea however, I also wanted to feel like I was still able to do normal things and try and get myself back into my day to day life so its definitely a welcome gestured and great for anyone who like a C-section needs longer recovery time but don’t be offended if the duster isn’t thrust upon you, maybe the new parents actually want a ‘normal’ routine jobs to do.

I really struggled to sleep when the baby slept, not just the early days but generally throughout my maternity leave, It felt like there was so much to do in those precious windows of time prep dinner, quick scrub of the bathroom or even just to have a shower, so when my mum popped in one day to take Sonny for a walk, it felt like a massive relief, buying me some extra time to complete job and maybe squeeze in a little nap.

It’s important to remember that everyone asks about the new baby, of course they will, I mean you’ve all waited 9 months to meet them but don’t forget to check on the new mum and dad, they often haven’t had time to think about themselves so just a quick chat and put some focus back on them will go a long way trust me!

Just remember to call ahead before rocking up, bring some milk with you..the amount of cuppas you make for these visits is crazy and be ready to offer lots of hugs!

Enjoy that new baby smell…

Love Harriet x

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Sonny you are 2!

I literally can’t believe it was a year ago that I wrote Sonny’s first birthday post ! 730 days you have been with us and my goodness you’ve grown into such a little character! I look back and think that first year was such a shock to the system, some days felt super long but the months altogether went quick! We were learning so much and speeding into this massive world of parenthood.

Fast forward, year 1 to year 2, don’t get me wrong hasn’t been easier but it hasn’t been harder, we’ve learnt that we actually are making such an impact into your little life. The affection that you show has surely come from what you’ve received? Your knowledge and development is so rewarding to witness, you really are giving back to what we are so happy to put in.

Everyday we are amazed at something you’ve done or said and you have that power to stop us in our tracks…my heart skipped when you sang ‘twinkle twinkle little star’ on your own whilst walking down the stairs or when we spot diggers and you shout ‘I see it mummy’ literally my womb aches!!

Of course I have never needed a more peaceful evening cup of tea or sweated as much (even after many HIIT sessions) as I do when you sprint off towards a busy road, throw your dinner all over the floor that I literally just cleaned or throw a tantrum in a very public place…you really know how to rise the ol’ body temperature!

18 Months onwards has really taught me patience, I mean repeating ‘hitting hurts’ ‘don’t bite mummy’ ‘you’ll break your toy if you throw it’ a million times a day will push even the most zen of people over the edge!

All that being said I take the repetitive talk and the massive task trying to teach you right from wrong on, I’ll take that as the flip side is so worthwhile, your little face when you get excited over ‘Bing’ or we treat you to an ice cream is just too adorable! The excitement you show us is just way too bloody cute!!

So my little friend roll on 2-3 years, I cant wait to go on more adventures and just generally have more conversations with you, you really are amazing and such a little mate!

Happy birthday for the 17th!

Love you Sonny x

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Motherhood…You’re doing a good job….

I know its not just me that has found the transition from being an independent, career loving women into the scary world of motherhood hard Its not just me that gets a little sting and can feel suffocated with the realisation that you can’t just get up and go to the shops or make those last minute dinner plans with friends.

THIS IS NOT A MOAN, I love my family life, Infact take me out for a night out or weekend away and I long to be back with my PJs on, cuppa in one hand, chocolate in the other, sat amongst my lovely husband and little boy! This is me figuring out how such a dramatic change in identity can make you feel all sorts of weird.

Becoming a mother is a massive change in identity, suddenly thrust upon this ‘perfect’ ideal of homemaking life, where you are judged for any tiny decision; breast or bottle, co-sleep or independent, self sooth or hold tight…trying to untangle and navigate this new life is so daunting and no one quite prepares you for it.

Every family situation is different, every baby is different, throw in ever changing ‘best baby practice’ guidelines and you’ve gotta be Sherlock to pass this challenge!

For me, I feel like the first 6 months of motherhood was joined by shock…I mean come on, lack of sleep, responsibility like never before, surely the unshakeable people wobble! Combined with the constant need to check I was doing a good job, the validation that ‘yep you are a good mum’ all contributing to a mound of anxiety. I’m the kind of person that needs validation in my life; Career wise through feedback, appraisals, Exercise by lifting heavier, running further, faster but through Motherhood?? There aren’t any monthly meetings to score you, no progress cards to tick off and you can be left feeling pretty crappy once you start the comparing yourself game especially with the insta mums planned photo ops and props, glossing the realities… it can be a heavy force dragging you down!

My comfort blanket and cosy place lies with my like minded friends, especially the fellow mums or ones who are aware of what’s going on. They get it, pat you on the back whilst covered in Weetabix themselves! I think its important to tell each other how good-a-job we are doing, we are in it together which helps massively (cringe high five). Do I need to label myself and have a clear identity? Probably not right now, one thing I have learnt is that you adapt. It’s ok for my identity to change slightly, I can still be myself just with a scruffy tshirt and darker under eye circles!

Love Harriet x

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10 Things I’ve learn’t from having an 18 month old…

You will never learn as much about yourself as you do when you have a child…The length of your patience and how far it can really be pushed, how breathing and counting to 10 does really help, how much you can REALLY love someone and how a simple unprompted cuddle can cause ripples of emotion.

Here are also some life lessons perhaps I didn’t give enough value to…

 

  • 6pm has a new meaning to the day…wind down, bed time hour, time for milk and snuggles and an hour until my little bundle of craziness gives me some ‘quiet’ time!

 

  • Mr Tumble provides a great free babysitter…no i’m not talking about leaving the house but simply a second to put a wash on, clean the house without ‘mummy football’ following me around. Mr T is a permanent fixture on our sky record.

 

  • Flop from Bing is #parentgoals how does he remain so calm and focused?

 

  • Why does the world insist on being extra loud when its nap time? charity workers decide its the perfect time to knock on the door, neighbours start strimming the grass…NO NO NO

 

  • Snacks and bribes should be taken EVERYWHERE! in the car, in every single bag I own!

 

  • YouTube has demos for everything you could need; Setting up the pram, installing the IsoFix..the list is endless to tap into

 

  • A quiet but more importantly hot cup of tea is like winning the lottery….A magazine or book is a bonus prize! Simple things you don’t value until you are a parent.

 

  • Finding mum friends and going for a park date or walk is more fulfilling and soul satisfying  then any expensive baby club!

 

  • Mum guilt will hit you but its normal and so so common…talk to those mum friends they will make you feel better!

 

  • You become amazing at inventing characters and scenarios to entertain your toddler or to help with a simple task… Currently Sonny believes the neighbours cat is watching him eat his dinner and monitoring his progress, anything for another spoonful of pasta!

 

As we are rapidly approaching the 2 year mark I am sure there is plenty more to learn and open my eyes up so I will keep you updated!

Have you learnt anything extra? I’d love to hear them!

Love Harriet x

 

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When did you become a toddler??…18 month update

Toddler..I am a mum to a toddler, when did this happen?? I mean everyone tells you that these years flyby and when you are sleep deprived glancing at your 10th un-touched cold coffee you half heartily believe them but I can tell you 18 months in that it really has flown.

The word ‘Toddler’ is quite a scary thing in itself, it conjures up all sorts of tantrum throwing scenarios mixed with sheer panic of stepping closer to potty training challenges and even pre-school….ok lets not get too ahead Harriet!

my little cheeky 18 month old is surprising us everyday, picking up new words, understanding directions that we are giving him and I am amazed by how much his little brain is taking in, no wonder he is knackered by 7pm (as are we)

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