Guilt in any situation is a horrible feeling but often guilt is a reaction of something you’ve done wrong or related to something you had control off…Mum guilt on the other hand, feels completely different and can be hard to shake off.
Since being a mum, I question every decision, every action, wondering if its the best or correct way and how my choice will effect this little person and although this dependence can be empowering its also very stressful, with the stress often comes pressure and then the monster that is guilt.
Everyday is different and sometimes its a little humming in the background that can easily be brushed to the side and other days its a loud noise taking up my brain space and hard to silence.
My guilt stems from pressure to make sure everything is as perfect as it can be, am I weaning Sonny on the best foods? Is he developing at the rate he should be? Am I doing the best job? and the biggest questions..I am a good enough mum? When I feel like this I have to keep reminding myself, what really is the perfect way? Everyone has different ways of doing things at their own pace so surely as long as your baby is ultimately happy and healthy then you shouldn’t stress about the small details… I do have to keep saying this to myself especially when I feel its all getting a bit much and rearing its ugly head.
Recently my guilt has been related to going back to work and actually the fact that I am really enjoying getting my head back into my job, this throws up all sorts of worry..should I be enjoying work? shouldn’t I want to spend every second being at home with my little boy? – Yes I understand this is totally perfect for some families but for me personally, going to work, focusing on other aspects and having some adult social time makes me a better parent, it helps recharge my batteries and makes my time spent with Sonny even more special! Each to their own.
My remedy (as with anything) is talking, chatting to friends and just realising that many parents feel like this or have been there before, appreciating that you are doing your best. I am working on taking the pressure off.
Do you feel guilty or pressure, what are your tips for getting over these things?
Love Harriet x